no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
