I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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