You're my little dorito
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What a dumb baby whore.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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