trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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