Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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