can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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