is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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