Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
