Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
