question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
