you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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