I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
