just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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