I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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