I have demons in me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
