i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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