Tell her she can't have a vagina
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
