Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This is my gift to your gina
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
