I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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