he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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