What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
