love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
