420 ftw
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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