the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have aggressive nipples.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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