all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
