I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
