you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
