dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
