it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
