My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
