At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
