The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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