is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
