Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
