yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
