Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
