Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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