No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
