You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
