remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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