Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Someone shattered a urinal.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
