I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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