Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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