1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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