What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
