you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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