What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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