The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
