im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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