the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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