help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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