You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
