got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
