I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
