You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
