I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think I sprained my soul last night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
