morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
