You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
