I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
