so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
