I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
