so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
