Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm both gender and math confused
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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