im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize