i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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